I met a guy online recently who lived out of town. He was in the area one day, so we met for a drink. The date went well and when it was over, he wanted to come back to my house. I said no (too soon).
The next night we were chatting and suddenly he started asking me some very personal, and inappropriate, questions: What kinds of panties do I wear? What are my favorite sex positions? I’m sorry, but I can’t take a guy seriously after he asks me super personal questions without first getting to know me better.
When he came to town the following night I still met him despite the weird questions and actually had a good time on our second date. As the date was winding down, I knew he wanted me to invite him over to my house, but there was no way that was going to happen. He asked, “What about that backrub we had talked about earlier?” I told him probably not on the second date, and asked if that was okay with him. He said it was fine. But then when I got home, he sent me a text saying that it wasn’t going to work out between us because I didn’t invite him back to my house for him to have his way with me. Can you believe that?!
Man, I feel like an idiot. While I knew a guy for 12 years and was well aware of how shitty he treated women, I started hooking up with him against my better judgment. He only called when he wanted sex or money—it was like I didn’t exist otherwise. I told him we needed to stop but he refused to leave me alone. I felt trapped because we’d known each other for so long and had so much history. Finally, after three years of this pseudo relationship, I made it clear that we were really done. While it was three years too late, I’m happy to be free of the dead weight.
When I was going through a bad divorce, I met a Vietnam Special Forces vet (in hindsight, a red flag) at a church singles event. He was totally into the Single Parents Hiking Club, Single Parents Babysitting Network and every other Single Parents group they offered. He was also in the Church Counselor Training Program. He appeared to know all the moms very well and they seemed to get angry when I talked with him (BRF #2). I asked him about the vibes. He said they were all just jealous because they wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with him in the past and he hadn’t been interested (BRF #3).
We began talking a few times a day, but every time we made plans he’d cancel last minute to either counsel someone from church or deal with the son he had partial custody of (BRF #4). I figured he was just an overburdened single dad and did my best to adapt to his changes and cancellations. Many times he’d bring his son without alerting me beforehand and the kid would smirk and purposely call me other single-church-moms’ names (BRF #5).
When there weren’t any counseling calls, strange interruptions or interference from his son, the only thing he wanted to do was talk about sex, sex and more sex, explaining that he understood women so well from all the counseling he was doing (BRF #6). A few months into the relationship he asked me to marry him and then repeated the request several times (BRF #7).
Long story short: I found out that when he had to leave to “counsel” or deal with his son, he was actually having sex with all the other single moms, who each thought they were the only one he was dating. When I broke up with him, he started calling me 6-8 times a day, warning me about everything he’d learned in the Special Forces then hanging up. He eventually found enough time to get away from his “clients” to travel across town, bang on my door and leave notes demanding that I call him. The best part was that the angry notes said I had to call because “he cared about me and could help me,” presumably through more “counseling.”
We had been dating for over five months, but I should of known earlier he wasn’t over his ex when he was upset she started dated someone new ( and they had been broken up for a year). Oh yeah, and when he called me by her name during sex.
I’m currently in a long-distance relationship with a guy who says he’s dependent with his antidepressant medications because of his past girlfriends. Red flag?
My brother-in-law’s girlfriend was pregnant when they meet. She said that she knew who the father was but didn’t want him in her life. Because of this, she wanted to get an abortion so that my brother-in-law could impregnate her instead. They had only been dating three weeks when she made this announcement. She was clearly crazy, selfish and unfit for motherhood, regardless of the father.