He’s sending mixed messages.

My boyfriend moved states to take a great job offer so we decided to try the long distance thing. Since he worked longer hours than I did, I more often went to him than vice versa. I was eventually able to convince my boss to let me work from home on Fridays so that I could hop on a plane early morning and work from my boyfriend’s apartment until he got home. After a few months of this arrangement, my boyfriend broke up with me. One of the main reasons for doing so was that he didn’t think that I took my career seriously enough because I was out of the office on Fridays so that I could see him. Such a dick move considering he was the one who moved away in the first place and also the one that stressed seeing one another as often as possible.

He’s lazy and using you.

I met a guy at a friend’s wedding and we started dating despite being on opposite coasts at the time. We stayed together for a year and half. Over that period of time, I flew to him once a month and he flew to me once … literally once over that entire time period.

He thinks romance is dead.

I have been with the same guy for 25 years now (yeah, I know, loooong time!), and our relationship hit a snag so we decided to go to Hawaii in hopes that the trip would spice things up a bit. I told him that I thought the trip would be good for our relationship because we could be together and have time for a little romance. He said, “Romance? That’s too much work.” My interpretation: You’re not worth the trouble to try.

She thinks your world must revolve around her.

My ex was one of those girls who liked to have me around all the time and loved to go places with me. Not a big deal. However, my friend was killed in Iraq and I had to travel to my hometown to attend the wake and funeral. My girlfriend got upset and cried because I wasn’t willing to wait for her classes to be over later that week so we could go together—which would have caused me to miss the wake and candle light ceremony.

He treats you like a slut.

I went on vacation to England for the entire summer. Within two weeks I got a Facebook friend request from a good looking guy who lived in the same town I was staying in. He said that if I ever wanted to see Wales by motorbike, I should let him know. Knowing that I needed to take every opportunity possible, I got a hold of him and we went to Wales two days later. We really hit if off, spent at least every other day together. We went to Wales two more times, Liverpool, Manchester, all by motorbike. Which was very thrilling and made things spark incredibly.

After three weeks of this incredible summer “romance,” we had sex. A day later, things completely changed and we didn’t hang out the rest of the summer. He ignored my calls, ignored my texts. When I confronted him about being an ignorant dick, he played the “I don’t know what you’re talking about” card. It was really upsetting. Mostly because I left my favorite dress at his house. Of course, he refused to return it. So he worked really hard to impress, then as soon as he got what he wanted, he buggered off. From now on, I’m vacationing in France.

She ran off to not-so-greener pastures.

After a year of living together my now-ex ran off with a guy almost ten years older who was married, had a kid from a previous marriage and was a convicted felon. Her reason for leaving me, “to travel and be happy.”

One year later the guy she ran off with was thrown in jail for theft, and she is now living with seven family members in a two-bedroom apartment. I, on-the-other-hand, just graduated with a BS bio/eng, have a killer salary job, just bought a house and have three months worth of travel plans for the upcoming year.

(filed under: sucks to be you)

He’s a jerk … and a smooth-talker.

Fourteen years ago I became friends with a man who it felt like really understood me and saw me for what I am. We ended up eventually declaring our love for one another and dating. After two months he started to get very jealous when I was around other guys. Then he became verbally and emotionally abusive. Turned out he was acting like a jerk to cover up the fact that he was cheating. I broke up with him and intended to never see him again.

He had totally left my mind until I accidentally ran into him one day. He apologized for how he acted, sounding very sincere. I forgave him and decided to give him another chance. For the next month, he said and did everything right. He even talked about our long-term future together. It was summer and we decided to have a nice, quiet, intimate Memorial Day with just the two of us. I planned a special meal, picked up all the ingredients and went to his house to cook. All the sudden, without any previous mention by him, his uncle, cousin and grown son walked in. They were apparently joining us for the meal. So much for intimate, but I figured this was a good time to get to know his family a little better. I cooked a huge feast and we all went out on the terrace to eat it.

While we were eating the phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and answered on speaker. A woman’s voice asked who was in the background and he replied my uncle, cousin, son and a “friend.” The breath literally left my body when he said that last word. Why wouldn’t he say “girlfriend” or tell the woman on the line my name? After dinner I approached him to ask about it. He immediately got defensive and said the girl was his half sister, not someone he was cheating with. He said they were going on vacation together and needed to talk through the plan. When I asked if I could join, he got angry again and gave a definitive “no.” Shortly thereafter I found out that he and his supposed sister were sharing a room at a couples resort. I felt like my brain exploded! This skanky guy was a low down dog going on vacation to screw his half sister. I left and never spoke to him again.

I recently bumped into a coworker of his and they informed me that he had his name legally changed to “Forever Jacobs.” What a narcissistic loser! Forever Jacobs? More like Wish-I’d-Never Jacobs.