She’d rather go home with another dude. (Or, dudes.)

My best friend met a girl online (first red flag) off some random dating site. They went out on a few dates and he was hooked. When I got to meet her, I could kind of see why: she was gorgeous. But she was also the type of girl who dressed skimpy every single day (second red flag). We’re talking extremely tight tank tops and mini-skirts with a bit of her butt hanging out. Against his better judgment, and the judgment of his friends, he eventually let this girl move in with him after she got into a bit of “trouble” with her ex-boyfriend. What made this worse was that my friend was only 21 and lived at home with his mom, dad, two younger brothers, and two dogs.

The biggest red flag regarding this chick came shortly thereafter when we were all out at a bar. A group of other guys started hitting on her. She made out with two of them, gave a lap dance to another, and then said she wanted to go home with this group of random horny dudes she just met. (Four, five red flags at this point?) Despite the rest of us trying to save her from a probable rape, she went anyway. She came back the next afternoon feeling bad for what she’d done, so she offered my friend some pity sex. After they were done she told him she didn’t want to be his official girlfriend.

This has all happened this past year … and my friend is still crazy about her.

He shouldn’t be allowed to dress himself.

I was out at a bar having a glass of wine with my roommate when this guy came over and sat down next to us. He started flirting with me but I knew right away that things would never work between us. While I’m not typically one to judge people by their appearances (the whole book/cover tenet), right away I was turned off by the guy’s “look,” which consisted of super greasy hair down to his chin and a shirt so unbuttoned it not only exposed his patchy chest hair, but also his nipples. Dude. This is not the beach, it’s an eating-and-drinking establishment, and, by the way, you’re not Bono, you’re gross.

He’s a cross-dresser.

I was out on a second date with a guy and while strolling from the restaurant to the bar, we passed by a cool area of shops. My date brought my attention to a pair of crazy hooker boots in one of the store windows. “Those boots are kinda funky,” he said. “Funky” was an understatement–these were tied-up-above-the-knee-ten-inch-heels-gothic-black-pleather hooker boots. I was like, “Umm I can’t really think of an acceptable situation where I would wear those.” To which he replied, “I wore boots like that for my birthday last year.” He proceeded to tell me the rest of his birthday outfit, which included a clown-painted face and a “tunic” (AKA a dress). He even whipped out his iPhone to show me the ensemble. I asked if there was a gothic clown party theme or something, but he said no, he just dressed like that because it was his birthday and he wanted to wear something “special.”

He’s a free baller.

My ex-boyfriend refused to wear underwear. Under his khakis, under his cords, under sweatpants, etc. He’d just put his pants right on. The worst part of this was, he’d wear his pants multiple times without washing. (Or maybe the worst part was that he’d try on clothes in stores completely commando.) I’m all for free-balling, but not 24/7.

He treats salespeople like shit.

One afternoon, my boyfriend of four months and I were in Hugo Boss and he was determined to buy white suit. I was a little concerned he was wiling to pay around $800 to look like the ice cream man, and told him I didn’t think white was such a good color. The salesman at the store agreed with me and tried to talk my boyfriend out of getting white, showing him black and navy suits. If it were me, and my girlfriend and the guy whose job it was to sell me expensive things so he could get a commission told me I looked ridiculous in an item of clothing, I hope I would be grateful, or at least polite. Instead, my boyfriend called me stupid, and then got into an argument with the salesman, showing his true colors by being extremely rude and patronizing towards him. (Stuff like, “Isn’t it your job to get me to buy stuff from this store?”) He ended up buying a black suit (which he looked great in) but we had our first fight during the car ride home when I pointed out he was kind of a jerk to me and the sales dude.

Bottom line: Stubbornness I can take. But if you can’t listen to other people’s opinions, especially when they are trying to be helpful, and you’re outright condescending to well-intentioned people in the service industry: red flag.

He’s a closet cross-dresser.

I broke up with my boyfriend of five years for a new guy who seemed very manly. Two weeks into the relationship he asked if I would be okay with him wearing some women’s clothes in bed. Sure … whatever you like, I said. It started with a silk tank. A few weeks later we went on a weekend trip and I came out of the bathroom to find him standing there in a wig and a full-length, black lace get-up. While I was shocked by the full ensemble, the worst part was his hideous black Payless pumps. If you’re going to cross-dress, for the love of god, at least do it with some style. That was the last time we had sex. But I did help him shop for some better shoes so he’d be ready for the next girl.