I met a guy online recently who lived out of town. He was in the area one day, so we met for a drink. The date went well and when it was over, he wanted to come back to my house. I said no (too soon).
The next night we were chatting and suddenly he started asking me some very personal, and inappropriate, questions: What kinds of panties do I wear? What are my favorite sex positions? I’m sorry, but I can’t take a guy seriously after he asks me super personal questions without first getting to know me better.
When he came to town the following night I still met him despite the weird questions and actually had a good time on our second date. As the date was winding down, I knew he wanted me to invite him over to my house, but there was no way that was going to happen. He asked, “What about that backrub we had talked about earlier?” I told him probably not on the second date, and asked if that was okay with him. He said it was fine. But then when I got home, he sent me a text saying that it wasn’t going to work out between us because I didn’t invite him back to my house for him to have his way with me. Can you believe that?!
I started seeing this guy that a friend had introduced me to. We had several dates: He seemed nice, we had fun, and things progressed. One night, while watching a movie at his place, the first kiss happened. Within seconds, he stuck his hand down my jeans and rammed his finger up my butt. I was alarmed, to say the least, and quickly removed his hand. He immediately tried it again. I cut things short and went home.
I figured that he got the hint, and since we got along really well, I went to his house later that week to watch another movie. He kissed me again and the exact same thing happened. I left, deciding that if I was to keep seeing this ass junkie then a frank discussion was in order. I met up with him for coffee somewhere quiet and gently explained to him that I really enjoyed his company, but the butt fingering had to go.
He was outraged, claiming that most women enjoyed that and that he did too. I responded that everyone was different, but anal play wasn’t for me. He seemed to understand and I thought the matter was settled, so I went to his place to watch a movie later that week and we started kissing. He then grabbed my hand and tried to stick it up his ass. I flung my hand away, then he immediately tried to do the same to me, again. I told him to fuck right off, left, and dumped him by phone the next day.
He then proceeded to stalk me for the next eight years, involving the police and getting fired from his job over it. All of this after only a couple of weeks of dating. The red flag here: If someone won’t respect your personal sexual choices and repeatedly ignores them, then he could very well be a freaking psycho.
On the second date, a guy asked if he “could keep me,” which was creepy but didn’t deter me from continuing to see him. Eventually we started a serious relationship and I moved in with him. While living together, he thought it was funny to sit on my face and fart, showing his maturity level was equal to that of a fifth grader. He was a huge slob so I was always cleaning up his mess. On one of these cleaning ventures I found pictures and letters from every single ex he’d ever had. When I confronted him, he said I shouldn’t have been looking at his stuff, despite the fact that it was laying all the hell over the place. Other occasions of note included him throwing an hour-long fit because I wouldn’t let him see his Christmas gifts pre-holiday and him pushing me over a bed as a joke right after I’d gotten back surgery.
Over time, we started having sex less and less and arguing more and more. We stopped living together but continued dating. No longer sharing a place, he decided he didn’t have to answer my calls and would make up lame excuses for not picking up his cell. Then came the kicker: I noticed that he was hiding his face during sex so that he wouldn’t have to look at me and that his sheets were always covered in dry semen, which I later found out was because he had a serious porn addiction. I broke up with him but he continued to call me long after the fact.
Not only was he in every single parent group imaginable, this guy was also totally into helping the Cub Scout “den mothers.” He held a couple of meetings at his house, at which I helped with refreshments, and I got the worst vibes of resentment from the other kid’s moms. Déjà vu. He laughingly told me that he had playfully asked a few of them to marry him a couple of times, and when they started taking him seriously, he had to back-off and tell them that he just wanted to be friends. He said, “I just wanted to help them feel good about themselves, but they wanted more than I was ready to give …” Of course, he still wanted to talk about sex with them. When I mentioned that he only seemed interested in helping single women that he could manipulate, he got angry and changed the subject to his “confirmed-kills in Nam” and the sad anniversaries of all the friends he’d lost. That’s when I finally dumped him.
Clarification: This isn’t about God and church nor American patriots/warriors, this is about psychos blowing authoritative-sacred-cow smoke screens in the name of Jesus and the American Flag.
I met a 35-year-old guy named Keith on an online dating site. We both lived in Birmingham and met up for a date. Keith had only been in the city a few months and told me his girlfriend threw him out of his previous home because he didn’t have a job, despite him telling her that the economy was so bad that he couldn’t find anything. He said she was verbally abusive, had no friends and everyone hated her (BRF #1). Keith also revealed that the only other serious girlfriend he’d had was on and off for several years because they both kept cheating on each other, until she had a kid with another guy and then died from a drug overdose a few years ago (BRF #2).
Despite this info, I kept dating him. He was good to me and great with my daughter. Plus, everyone in my circle liked him. After several weeks he decided to tell me that he had a teenage son with a girl from high school who he’d slept with behind his buddy’s—and her then boyfriend’s—back. He said he hadn’t seen or spoken to his kid in about ten years (BRF #3). As he was telling me this he started crying because he felt like a deadbeat dad who treated my daughter better than his own son. Turns out, his previous girlfriend who’d thrown him out after two years of living together never even knew the son existed (BRF #4). But he said he wanted to make a change and settle down in order to be a good dad to both of our kids. I continued to see him.
During the course of our six month relationship, Keith constantly talked about every girlfriend, hook up, crush, etc. he’d had in the past despite my pointing out that guys who do this are either 1) hung up on the past or 2) have overly inflated egos (BRF #5). Around the time he started obsessing over past love, our sex life dipped. He was always “too tired” or had whiskey dick because he couldn’t stay sober for more than ten minutes and was wasted every night (BRF #6 and #7). He said he didn’t care if he got off when we had sex because he got off plenty masturbating to porn. But he couldn’t get off with an actual person? (BRF #8).
After five months, I finally decided to move on. He emailed me constantly, saying he’d do better and finally start acting like a man because he wanted to marry me and help me raise my child. We met and he convinced me that he was ready to change. I took him back and we started talking about our wedding and future together. His family and friends were ecstatic, but mine were less than thrilled at this point (BRF #9). He got a raise and said he was going to begin saving up for an engagement ring. Three days later, he EMAILED me to break things off and said he couldn’t deal with the fact that I have a child. What the hell? Guys like this should come with warning labels. Lesson(s) learned.
I met this guy through a friend at a bar one night, and we spent the whole night glued to each other talking. He asked for my number, took me on a date or two, and then disappeared. I figured he simply wasn’t that into me and didn’t think about it. Eventually, I noticed that he changed his Facebook status to “in a relationship.”
A few months later, I ran into him at a bar. His presence, along with that of another ex, led me to drink far too much. I ended up going home with him, unsure if he was indeed seeing someone else. Everything seemed fine at first and I thought the only red flag at that point was the fact that he only gave me the time of day when I drunkenly threw myself at him.
We ended up sleeping together one more time and more flags started to fly when I caught him filming me with his cell phone during the act. When he saw me catch a glimpse of the phone, he tried to hide it. I told him I was really uncomfortable with what he did, but he shrugged it off and said that he only filmed me because he was going to masturbate to it later. I didn’t believe him for a second and three days later went over to his house, swiped his phone, took it to the bathroom, deleted the videos—yes, there was more than one—and handed it back to him. I’ve ignored him since and regret that I barked up the disinterested tree in the first place.
During the first week of dating this guy he told me how he likes to manipulate girls into sleeping with him — especially virgins because they’re “so easy.” A little later in our relationship he tells me that he’s a sociopath and regales me with stories of how he manipulates everyone around him. Both of those times I just laugh and think he’s joking.
Fast-forward seven years: We’ve decided to break up and just be friends (no anger or hard feelings on either end). Then, I find out he’d been cheating on me the entire time and he had a two-year-old child. And I had no clue.