He doesn’t show his appreciation.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. I have two jobs, and am also constantly cleaning the house we live in together whenever I am home and have the energy to do so. The day before Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend picked a fight with me while I was getting ready for work because I didn’t put away HIS clothes that he’d left in the dryer. He launched into a whole tirade about how I hadn’t cleaned the house in two weeks. (This wasn’t true, I simply had not done MY OWN laundry and I’m not sure why he should care about that anyway.) I went to work, got off at 9:30pm and came home to find him already sleeping.

I woke up at 7:30am on Valentine’s Day to get ready for work, and came downstairs to him watching the weather. The news station had placed a big heart graphic on the weather map and he said, “Oh shit, today is Valentine’s Day???” Awesome.

He’s a jerk … and a smooth-talker.

Fourteen years ago I became friends with a man who it felt like really understood me and saw me for what I am. We ended up eventually declaring our love for one another and dating. After two months he started to get very jealous when I was around other guys. Then he became verbally and emotionally abusive. Turned out he was acting like a jerk to cover up the fact that he was cheating. I broke up with him and intended to never see him again.

He had totally left my mind until I accidentally ran into him one day. He apologized for how he acted, sounding very sincere. I forgave him and decided to give him another chance. For the next month, he said and did everything right. He even talked about our long-term future together. It was summer and we decided to have a nice, quiet, intimate Memorial Day with just the two of us. I planned a special meal, picked up all the ingredients and went to his house to cook. All the sudden, without any previous mention by him, his uncle, cousin and grown son walked in. They were apparently joining us for the meal. So much for intimate, but I figured this was a good time to get to know his family a little better. I cooked a huge feast and we all went out on the terrace to eat it.

While we were eating the phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and answered on speaker. A woman’s voice asked who was in the background and he replied my uncle, cousin, son and a “friend.” The breath literally left my body when he said that last word. Why wouldn’t he say “girlfriend” or tell the woman on the line my name? After dinner I approached him to ask about it. He immediately got defensive and said the girl was his half sister, not someone he was cheating with. He said they were going on vacation together and needed to talk through the plan. When I asked if I could join, he got angry again and gave a definitive “no.” Shortly thereafter I found out that he and his supposed sister were sharing a room at a couples resort. I felt like my brain exploded! This skanky guy was a low down dog going on vacation to screw his half sister. I left and never spoke to him again.

I recently bumped into a coworker of his and they informed me that he had his name legally changed to “Forever Jacobs.” What a narcissistic loser! Forever Jacobs? More like Wish-I’d-Never Jacobs.

He ditches you at your own party.

After about a month of seeing this man (and I say man because he was forty-two), I invited him to a house warming party my roommate and I were hosting. It was the first time he would be seeing my apartment and meeting my friends. He arrived with a bottle of a nice white wine, and I quickly gave him the tour of our place. Then my old neighbor/ex-Vegas stripper with huge fake breasts walked in, and the evening unraveled rapidly from there. Apparently, the guy I was dating and the girl (who I knew to sleep with at least two guys a weekend) were once acquainted and the sexual undertones were deafening. My date, a man who I was going to dinners, movies, and making love with, did not speak to me the entire evening. No exaggeration. He conversed with no one all night except for the woman being suffocated by her balloon-like breasts. At the end of the night, once the chick left, the jerk had the nerve to ask me to go home with him.

She cares more about how your relationship “looks” than your relationship.

Christmas was coming up and my girlfriend of three years decided it was essential that we send out a joint holiday card. Which would have been fine, I guess, if she didn’t get the idea solely because my brother and his girlfriend were doing so and since they hadn’t been together as long, if we didn’t send out cards it meant I didn’t really love her or something. I thought the whole thing was pretty stupid–we weren’t married or even engaged–but I complied to make her happy. We ordered about 500 cards and sent them to every person we could possibly think off–even people we hadn’t talked to in years. What was really going on was she was jealous of my brother and his girlfriend, and also trying to keep up with her soon-to-be married sorority sisters. We broke up a year later and I still have about 200 stupid Christmas cards with our picture on them.