He eats all of your groceries.

I dated this guy who never wanted to go out—he only wanted to stay at my place and watch movies. Ok, fine, but the meals we ate were almost always meals that I cooked, and any movie rental was paid for by me. If I suggested going out to eat, he would say, “We don’t need to spend money, let’s just cook something here.” What did he think, that the grocery fairy came to my house? Cooking “something here” meant I paid for the meal, cooked it and cleaned up after.

The man could eat like he had a hollow leg: He would down a huge bag of chips, or eat a whole package of Chips Ahoy cookies in one sitting.  If he came over for dinner, he would hang around the next morning for hours and hours figuring I would eventually have to make some sort of breakfast. He never brought anything to my house, never contributed in any way.  He was at my house three or four nights a week freeloading. And to make things worse, his favorite rant was on how all women are gold diggers.  Pure. Class.

He brings his daughter (whom he’s never mentioned) on your first date.

After meeting a guy on an on-line dating site, we decided to meet for dinner that weekend.  When I arrived, I was surprised he had a little girl with him (about 6 years old).  He introduced his daughter, who he never mentioned to me or made any indication of having a child on his profile. He claimed it was his weekend with her and that’s why he brought her.  I didn’t really know what to say. (Call me crazy, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for either sex to bring their child along when meeting a potential suitor for the first time.)

While we were deciding what to order, his daughter said she wanted to get a burrito and dad reminded her that she didn’t like the burrito last time, suggesting she should get the tacos instead. Well, the little girl started to throw a whiney fit, “But I want the burritoooooooo!” So that’s what she ordered.

And, of course, when the burrito arrived it wasn’t what she wanted. Instead, she wanted my tacos. I don’t really like burritos either and was really looking forward to the yummy fish tacos I ordered. I guess I gave my date some sort of look because he yelled, “Just give her the damn tacos!” What was I supposed to do? I had to give her mine and ask the waiter to bring another order of tacos while they ate. His daughter ate one taco and picked at the other one before deciding she didn’t like them either.

By the time my order arrived, they were both done eating and the daughter was ready to go.  When the check came, my date asked for the second order of tacos to be on a separate bill for me to pay. He paid his portion and left me sitting there to finish my meal. The waiter seemed to understand my plight and told me the second order of tacos was on the house.  Always a silver lining!

He can’t live without his mom’s cooking.

After meeting a guy on an on-line dating site and chatting and talking for a few days, we decided to meet face to face. During our first date, food likes and dislikes were brought up.  He told me he loved the red sauce his mom made and ate it everyday. I thought he was being sarcastic, especially since his mom lived many states away. Then he told me he drove eight hours one way (yup, sixteen hours round trip) each month to get a stock of his mom’s red sauce (lovingly wrapped in single serving vacuumed sealed packages), which he would then freeze and eat for at least one meal each day. He was thirty-five years old and didn’t know how to cook anything except boiled noodles. After midnight when we decided to part ways, he didn’t even walk me to my car and we were not in a great area.

He’s a baby.

A friend of mine dated a guy who had what he called “hunger anger.” What this meant was that  1) when he was hungry he was allowed to lash out at anyone and anything and 2) that it was his girlfriend’s responsibility to always have two PB&J sandwiches on hand in case he felt the hunger anger coming on.

She’s still Daddy’s little girl.

My ex met her dad for lunch a lot. At first, I thought this was nice and showed she had strong family ties. Then they started meeting for lunch every single weekday on her break. It wasn’t like he worked near her or anything–he drove from the suburbs every day. When I had an unexpected day off, I figured I’d surprise her at work and take her out for a nice meal. I went to her office with flowers and got rejected for lunch because she had to go out with her dad (for the third time that week). I hinted that I could just join them, but she wouldn’t have it. I eventually realized I was always going to play second fiddle to the other man in her life. Being close with your family is nice, but being bound to your family is a little much.

He can’t take care of himself.

I dated this guy who would get hungry but not fix something to eat until I got back home. He’d stay hungry for up to two days rather than pick up the phone and place a delivery order himself. I would get home at 11p.m. and he’d ask if I could please order in for him (sure, it was nice that he said “please”) because doing so himself was apparently too taxing. If I said I couldn’t do it right away, he’d reply, “Fine, I can stay like this for a little bit more,” and then would keep bugging me that he was too hungry and I needed to do something about it.
 If a guy can’t take care of himself, he probably can’t take care of you.