He expects to have his way with you by date two.

I met a guy online recently who lived out of town. He was in the area one day, so we met for a drink. The date went well and when it was over, he wanted to come back to my house. I said no (too soon).

The next night we were chatting and suddenly he started asking me some very personal, and inappropriate, questions: What kinds of panties do I wear? What are my favorite sex positions? I’m sorry, but I can’t take a guy seriously after he asks me super personal questions without first getting to know me better.

When he came to town the following night I still met him despite the weird questions and actually had a good time on our second date. As the date was winding down, I knew he wanted me to invite him over to my house, but there was no way that was going to happen. He asked, “What about that backrub we had talked about earlier?” I told him probably not on the second date, and asked if that was okay with him. He said it was fine. But then when I got home, he sent me a text saying that it wasn’t going to work out between us because I didn’t invite him back to my house for him to have his way with me. Can you believe that?!

He’s a bit juvenile.

After talking to this guy who was three years younger than me on an online dating site, he finally asked me for my number. I gave it to him and he sent me a text asking if I wanted to go on a date to see the moon rise at the beach. Corny, I know, but I had never been on a date like that so I agreed.

He called me the day of our date to ask me to meet him in the next town over for a cheap dinner before we headed out to the beach. Dinner was okay (we paid separately), and he was kind enough to make sure we ordered a vegetarian plate on my behalf since I’ve been a vegetarian for over a decade. After dinner, I asked if I could just ride with him to the beach since I wasn’t sure where it was and had never been to this town before. Hesitant, he told me that his car smelled like hot dogs, but he agreed to drive.

We got to the beach right in time, stayed for an hour or so and spent the majority of the time laughing. When I told him that I needed to head back (I had an event the next day, which he knew about), he just sat there starring at me like he was ready to kiss me. Awkward. Then when he dropped me off at my car, he walked me to my door, hugged me and kissed me twice on the lips like it was my forehead.

Later that evening he sent me a text saying that he “actually had a good time” like he was expecting the date to go horribly. I messaged him back to tell him that I had a good time as well but didn’t feel anything when he kissed me. He then informed me that he’s received similar “complaints” for girls in the past, so I asked him if he felt anything when he kissed me. He relied that he didn’t know what “anything” felt like. WTF?

He’s an immature porn addict.

On the second date, a guy asked if he “could keep me,” which was creepy but didn’t deter me from continuing to see him. Eventually we started a serious relationship and I moved in with him. While living together, he thought it was funny to sit on my face and fart, showing his maturity level was equal to that of a fifth grader. He was a huge slob so I was always cleaning up his mess. On one of these cleaning ventures I found pictures and letters from every single ex he’d ever had. When I confronted him, he said I shouldn’t have been looking at his stuff, despite the fact that it was laying all the hell over the place. Other occasions of note included him throwing an hour-long fit because I wouldn’t let him see his Christmas gifts pre-holiday and him pushing me over a bed as a joke right after I’d gotten back surgery.

Over time, we started having sex less and less and arguing more and more. We stopped living together but continued dating. No longer sharing a place, he decided he didn’t have to answer my calls and would make up lame excuses for not picking up his cell. Then came the kicker: I noticed that he was hiding his face during sex so that he wouldn’t have to look at me and that his sheets were always covered in dry semen, which I later found out was because he had a serious porn addiction. I broke up with him but he continued to call me long after the fact.

He invites a second date to join you.

A few years ago, a friend set me up with a guy who lived a few states away from me. We chatted on the phone a lot and when he was coming into NYC we agreed to spend the day together. We started with lunch and then wandered around, I was still feeling the situation out when we happened to pass by the Shakespeare in the Park box office and sure enough they still had tickets available. He suggested we get four tickets and I thought that meant he wanted to invite the friends who set us up (sweet but a bit awkward as this was still our first date). But that wasn’t the case. As we we’re walking away from the ticket booth, he asked if I’d mind if he invited someone else––another woman––with one of the extra tickets and I could use the fourth ticket for someone I knew.

I was a little suspicious at his hesitation and the way he phrased the request, so I pushed him further. Eventually he admitted that he had lined up a second date while he was in town, and he was supposed to meet her later in the day around the time the play started.

At first I was so taken aback I was actually ‘logical’ and polite about his request, eventually my sense returned and I realized he was using me to kill time till he could meet up with her. So I told him to loose my number.

Though the play was awesome.

He keeps his exes on a tight string.

I have known my boyfriend for over a year and a half, but we’ve only been together for the past five months. When we first met I was very reluctant to give him a chance, so we mostly “talked” off and on. When things didn’t work out with the guy I had been seeing, I decided to give him a shot once again. When I called him, he said he was so excited I was ready to be in a relationship with him after waiting so long, but there was a catch. He was talking to his ex-girlfriend at the time and said he wasn’t going to give her up until he knew I was sincere. So about a week later I went to his birthday party, at which he got so drunk that he passed out and I watched another girl kiss him while he was unconscious. I told myself I would never trust him again, and then a couple of days later he told me that he loved me. It has now been five months, and I love him, but we fight over the most insignificant things. He doesn’t want me to hang out with his friends because they all like me a “little too much” and I sense a lack of trust. I want to believe that things will work with him, but I can’t get past the things he says and does, especially when he brings up his ex-girlfriends, saying he gave them up to be with me.

He brings his daughter (whom he’s never mentioned) on your first date.

After meeting a guy on an on-line dating site, we decided to meet for dinner that weekend.  When I arrived, I was surprised he had a little girl with him (about 6 years old).  He introduced his daughter, who he never mentioned to me or made any indication of having a child on his profile. He claimed it was his weekend with her and that’s why he brought her.  I didn’t really know what to say. (Call me crazy, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for either sex to bring their child along when meeting a potential suitor for the first time.)

While we were deciding what to order, his daughter said she wanted to get a burrito and dad reminded her that she didn’t like the burrito last time, suggesting she should get the tacos instead. Well, the little girl started to throw a whiney fit, “But I want the burritoooooooo!” So that’s what she ordered.

And, of course, when the burrito arrived it wasn’t what she wanted. Instead, she wanted my tacos. I don’t really like burritos either and was really looking forward to the yummy fish tacos I ordered. I guess I gave my date some sort of look because he yelled, “Just give her the damn tacos!” What was I supposed to do? I had to give her mine and ask the waiter to bring another order of tacos while they ate. His daughter ate one taco and picked at the other one before deciding she didn’t like them either.

By the time my order arrived, they were both done eating and the daughter was ready to go.  When the check came, my date asked for the second order of tacos to be on a separate bill for me to pay. He paid his portion and left me sitting there to finish my meal. The waiter seemed to understand my plight and told me the second order of tacos was on the house.  Always a silver lining!