I reconnected with an old family friend a few months back. I was recently in town and he suggested we meet for dinner. The day prior to meeting up, he stopped by to say hey and confirm the plans (i.e. visual vetting). Five minutes before picking me up for the date, he texted “I’m bringing a 3rd person. Like to roll with multiple dates.” WTF! He showed up with an ex girlfriend of his who proceeded to ask me all kinds of personal questions over diner, like she was checking out her competition. She shouldn’t have worried because I was totally creeped out by the bizarre experience and he couldn’t have paid me to go out with him again.
After talking to this guy who was three years younger than me on an online dating site, he finally asked me for my number. I gave it to him and he sent me a text asking if I wanted to go on a date to see the moon rise at the beach. Corny, I know, but I had never been on a date like that so I agreed.
He called me the day of our date to ask me to meet him in the next town over for a cheap dinner before we headed out to the beach. Dinner was okay (we paid separately), and he was kind enough to make sure we ordered a vegetarian plate on my behalf since I’ve been a vegetarian for over a decade. After dinner, I asked if I could just ride with him to the beach since I wasn’t sure where it was and had never been to this town before. Hesitant, he told me that his car smelled like hot dogs, but he agreed to drive.
We got to the beach right in time, stayed for an hour or so and spent the majority of the time laughing. When I told him that I needed to head back (I had an event the next day, which he knew about), he just sat there starring at me like he was ready to kiss me. Awkward. Then when he dropped me off at my car, he walked me to my door, hugged me and kissed me twice on the lips like it was my forehead.
Later that evening he sent me a text saying that he “actually had a good time” like he was expecting the date to go horribly. I messaged him back to tell him that I had a good time as well but didn’t feel anything when he kissed me. He then informed me that he’s received similar “complaints” for girls in the past, so I asked him if he felt anything when he kissed me. He relied that he didn’t know what “anything” felt like. WTF?
Just finished reading your book, and enjoyed it for its snarky goodness. I found a combination of sections interesting, as I recently separated from my husband of about 14 years, and then poured myself right into a relationship with another man––the day I moved out. Not my brightest moment, but I thankfully recognized warning signs before getting in too deep.
It all started very well. He was a gentleman, took me out to dinner, opened doors for me, and treated me really well in lots of other ways. We played music together and had a lot in common, but I wanted to take things slow because I felt rather gun-shy after a messy marriage. Mostly he respected that, until it seemed like he didn’t. One day we broke into an argument about something completely trivial, and he bombed me with a whole crap load of things he seemed to have been saving up since we’d begun seeing each other. It was as if he had kept tallies of all the little “transgressions” of my character every day in order to sock me with them during a moment of anger. He proceeded to shred my character, and, being upset, I left the room to cool off. We resolved the argument that night, only to have a couple more of similar instances resurface. When he sensed that I was ready to break it off, he told me that I couldn’t handle the truth about myself and had to go off and pout when we had a disagreement.
Several other red flags: At one point he said to me, “I prefer women with small breasts,” as he looked at my well-endowed chest. He talked about how much he enjoyed intimacy, only to regularly act uninterested whenever I wanted to be close. This guy complained about being overweight, then would sit in front of the TV all day eating. Duh. Even worse, he recently had heart surgery and complained about how his legs hurt from the lack of circulation, but couldn’t be bothered to walk for a few minutes every day, according to the doctor’s instructions, to make it better. “It hurts,” he would say. One of the final straws was his constant complaint of how “so many women hurt him,” (ie: he was cheated on by a couple of ladies, as though he was the first to ever experience that) so he was anxious about getting close. Hmm. I’ve had men hurting me my whole life, and still find it possible to be loving and generous with myself. Needless to say, I gave him the boot. Whew. Catastrophe avoided, and I am happily single.
I had been dating this guy for almost two months and thought things were going well. We both liked the same kind of music, and got tickets to go to a rock concert. He was totally into me at the concert and on the way back to my house after the show. As we were snuggling on my loveseat, he wanted to have the “you and me” talk. He proceeded to tell me that he wasn’t “in love” with me (it hadn’t even been two months yet!) and that we should break up. In the beginning when we started dating, he said he wasn’t in a rush for anything serious, yet his excuse for ending things after almost two months was that he wasn’t in love with me. And to show interest in me during an amazing rock concert only to break up with me after, rude. The real kicker was that he wanted to stay friends and still do things together. I told him that would be too awkward, but he still continues to text me.