She pulls a hat pin on ya.

While I was in college, one of my roommate’s buddies was staying for the weekend and, long story short, needed a date. Somehow I ended up calling a friend in a woman’s residence who knew a girl that was also visiting, and we set her up with him. The only reason I believed the following story is because early in the evening, the dude showed back up, wide-eyed and in a state of shock, and the first words out of his mouth were, “She pulled a pin on me.”

We said, “What do you mean, she pulled a pin on you?,” thinking it was an open safety pin or something about that size.

“It was a fucking six inch hat pin,” he explained.  That got our attention.

We finally got the whole story out of him, he had picked up his date at the residential apartment she was visiting and took her to a movie.   On the way to the movie, he tried to impress her with a line of B.S. like, “My Jag’s in the shop, so I borrowed my friend’s car.” (He was actually borrowing my very used car.) That would be a fed flag for any woman.

The movie was O.K., but he said she seemed a little distant.  After the movie, they drove to a party to meet my roommate and his date. But they weren’t there when they pulled up to the house so he waited in the car. I have no idea if he explained to the girl that they were waiting for his friends or what she thought, but when he put his hand on the top of her seat she whipped out a hatpin and said, “Don’t you dare come any closer.”

He dropped her off at the first women’s residence he came to and somehow made his way to our apartment. The guy was definitely a douche, but the look of shock on his face was completely genuine.

He’s got issues you’ll never be able to help him solve.

When I broke up with my high school boyfriend our first semester in college, he sent me a letter containing the lyrics to the song “The Freshman” by The Verve Pipe and informing me he was going to kill himself. He wasn’t, and he didn’t, but I’m glad I ended things when I did.

He treats you like a slut.

During my first semester in college, I made a serious attempt to come out of my shell, having always been fairly introverted. I made friends with some guys who I thought were really cool, and developed a major crush on one of them. The guy was cute, smart and musically-gifted. Dream guy, right? We started hanging out and sometimes he would kiss me, but only after smoking pot. The next day he would make it a point to say that the only reason we’d kissed was because he’d been smoking, in case I didn’t already realize this. Like an idiot I thought that maybe if I gave him time he would revert back to the guy I thought he was when I started crushing on him.

Wrong. A few weeks later I ended up staying at his place. We were watching a movie and started making out. After I refused to let him go further, he went to jerk off in the bathroom while I cried on his couch. I found out later that he told our mutual friends that we’d slept together. Needless to say, I’ve kept my distance since then.